Fun

A life whit-out a smile is no live !

My life-line and/or safety net has been humour and a big smile when ever and where ever. More efficient than all medicines prescribed by a doctor laughter is good for for health. Go for it smile your self worry free !!

Let me share a wit or two , just to put that doctor’s prescribed smile on your face :

• Plural(s?)

  If the plural of mouse is mice, does that mean that the plural of spouse is spice? And if variety is the spice of life, does that mean we’ve got to have more than one?

• ALWAYS READ THE “ORIGINAL”

  A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices however, that all the monks are copying from copies and not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to the abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

  The abbot says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point my son.”

  So the abbot goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for many hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. The young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him.
  He sees him banging his head against the wall. His forehead is all bloody and bruised and the abbot is crying uncontrollably.

  The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”

  With a choking voice the old abbot replies, “The original manuscript says celebrate, NOT celibate!”

• Pizza anyone?

  Hello all – Be careful now – New system of HSS.
  So think twice before ordering pizza
  ——————————————————-
  Ordering Pizza in 2012.

  Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Yurt. May I have your national ID
  number?”
  Customer: “Hi, I’d like to place an order.”
  Operator: “I must have your NIDN first, sir?”
  Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”
  Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and
  the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is
  745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566.
  Email address is sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?”
  Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
  Operator: “We’re wired into the HSS, sir.”
  Customer: “The HSS, what is that?”
  Operator: “We’re wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add
  only 15 seconds to your ordering time”
  Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special
  pizzas.”
  Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
  Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
  Operator: “Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you’ve
  got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
  Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
  Customer: “What?!?! What do you recommend, then?”
  Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
  Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
  Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local
  library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
  Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.”
  Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your
  2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.”
  Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
  Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit
  card balance is over its limit.”
  Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets
  here.”
  Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn also.”
  Customer: “Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long
  will it take?”
  Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir If
  you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
  cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
  Customer: “Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?”
  Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got
  repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday”
  Customer: Well I’ll be a “@#%/$@&?#!”
  Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 4,
  2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September
  for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes I see here that you
  just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your
  first pizza since your return to society? ”
  Customer: (Speechless)
  Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
  Customer: “Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke”.
  Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from
  offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
  Thank you for calling Pizza Yurt!”
  Have a good day

• Scrabble

  This came with one of themost clever E-mails I’ve received in awhile.
  Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
  (wait till you see the last one)!

  DORMITORY:
  When you rearrange the letters;:
  DIRTY ROOM

  PRESBYTERIAN:
  <=>
  BEST IN PRAYER

  DESPERATION:
  <=>
  A ROPE ENDS IT

  GEORGE BUSH:
  <=>
  HE BUGS GORE

  THE MORSE CODE:
  <=>
  HERE COME DOTS

  SLOT MACHINES:
  <=>
  CASH LOST IN ME

  ANIMOSITY:
  <=>
  IS NO AMITY

  SNOOZE ALARMS:
  <=>
  ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

  A DECIMAL POINT:
  <=>
  IM A DOT IN PLACE

  THE EARTHQUAKES:
  <=>
  THAT QUEER SHAKE

  ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
  <=>
  TWELVE PLUS ONE

  MOTHER-IN-LAW:
  <=>
  WOMAN HITLER

  Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

• Why! Exactly…

  Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries areflat?
  * * *
  Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough to pay them?
  * * *
  Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  * * *
  Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
  * * *
  Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
  * * *
  Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  * * *
  Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  * * *
  Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  * * *
  Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
  * * *
  What is the speed of darkness?
  * * *
  If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  * * *
  If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
  * * *
  Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
  * * *
  If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
  * * *
  Can you cry under water?
  * * *
  What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  * * *
  If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
  * * *
  How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
  * * *
  Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
  * * *
  If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  * * *
  Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  * * *
  Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close thecubicle curtain while you change? ….. They’re still going to see you nakedanyway.